| The Incredible Shrinking Woman | |||
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Friday, March 28, 2003 ( 3:39 PM ) Melody Atkins Smatkins I find the Atkins diet really alarming. I know it probably doesn't seem healthy to eat nothing but protein powder for weeks on end, but dammit, our diet is doctor-supervised, and that protein powder is used in hospitals and FDA-approved. I just can't get on board with a diet that allows you to have a lb of bacon for breakfast as long as you skip the orange juice. I can't help but think that, while people on the Atkins plan are dropping the LBs, they've got to be collecting big yellow mounds of fat around their hearts. If I've learned anything from our Fat Classes, it's that if it sounds easy, it's probably not going to work long-term. I just talked to a woman in the breakroom here at work who lost 5 lbs in 3 days on Atkins. This morning she had 4 slices of bacon, an egg, and a McDonald's Egg McMuffin without the McMuffin. Her cholesterol has got to be through the roof. # ( 10:23 AM ) Melody Where is Salem? I'm becoming more and more worried for Salem Pax at Where is Raed?. He hasn't blogged for 6 days, and he lives in the heart of Baghdad. # ( 9:06 AM ) Melody Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now! Why is it that someone is always cleaning the women's bathroom when I have to go. Give me a freaking break! I've had a quart of water in the last hour (trying to get in that 2 quarts a day requirement for this diet), and if they don't move out fast, there's gonna be a flood. They never shut down the Men's room for cleaning. Perhaps there are just a disproportionate amount of male janitors working in my building during the day? But it's been like this for me at 3 publishing companies now. What gives? I hear huffing and sighing everywhere right now, so I can't be the only girl feeling put out right now. # Thursday, March 27, 2003 ( 8:26 AM ) Melody Incredible Shrinking Ass Last night while I was making dinner, Belinda decided to do some dishes. I was busily chopping my onions when I heard behind me the soft thud of something hitting the floor. I turned around to see her standing in her stocking feet in a crumpled puddle of denim shorts. Her ass has gotten so small that she can no longer hold her pants up without the aid of a belt. Her hands were wet from the dishes, so I had to help her pull them up. # Wednesday, March 26, 2003 ( 8:29 AM ) Melody American Idol Bologna Let me preface this by saying that I do not dislike Josh Gracin, but does anyone find it odd that last week Simon asked him if he would have a difficult time singing Country when the theme was supposed to be Disco, and then suddenly this week the theme gets switched to Country Rock? I think there's something suspicious about that. We're in the middle of a war, and the much-loved Marine contestant who would probably have struggled for votes this week trying to do Disco with a country twang suddenly gets to sing Country Rock? Hmm. Um, and did anyone else notice how off he was on some of his notes? It definitely wasn't his best performance, but, for some reason, none of the judges noted that. Anyone else would have gotten blasted for it. I'm sure Josh is good for ratings just now, but this is bullshit for the other contestants. On another note, how huggable is Ruben? I LOVE him. # Tuesday, March 25, 2003 ( 12:55 PM ) Melody A day even alcohol probably couldn't fix... ...but it probably wouldn't hurt to try. I'm caught in the middle of a possible deal breaking contract squabble with an author, and I can't do anything to fix it. It has gone beyond me now. My publisher has been on the phone with him for probably more than an hour, and it's driving me nutty not to know what's going on in there. This sucks!! Also, why is it when anyone could see from the look on your face that you're in the midst of a crisis that everybody has to poke the bear? Leave me alone!! All I wanted was a single hour to eat my lunch in peace and check out my daily blogs. I need a f&@*^g vacaton. # ( 9:10 AM ) Melody Good Fat Class Last night was our Fat Class night. (Fat Class is what Belinda and I call it. For everyone else, it is Lifestyle Strategies.) Belinda passed a major milestone at weigh-in. She is now officially at my happy weight. I'm not going to hate her for it, though, because she is 4 inches shorter than I am. It was a good night for us-- one step closer to proving the PB (short for Perky Bitch) who runs the program wrong. We CAN eat real food and still lose weight-- not that I'm not grateful to the program. I would never have lost this much weight without the help of the M.R.s (Meal Replacements-- sort of a soy protein flour that comes in four flavors: Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, and Potato Soup) we've gotten as part of this, but I am incapable of eating soy packets all day with NO real food. Apparently, the PB has yelling at others in the class for not eating enough M.R.s, too, because several people were bitching about it in the hallway afterward. Let's just say that you will not see me asking permission to eat half a cup of cabbage on New Year's Eve. Who does that?! # Monday, March 24, 2003 ( 12:25 PM ) Melody Baghdad Blogger I hesitate to post on the war because anything worth saying has been said a thousand times. I've been hungrily reading http://dear_raed.blogspot.com, though, and would like to encourage others to do so. Salem, its owner, is posting from his home in Baghdad. What must it be like to be living at the center of a bomb target? He writes of hearing on TV when the bombs leave our air fields and counting down the 6 hours till they hit Iraq. We don't hear stories like Salem's on TV, but I'm glad I still have access to them. # ( 9:15 AM ) Melody How long should it take for two lesbians to put up a basketball goal? Try a total of 16 hours. Well, not quite. We started around 10 AM on Saturday and finally collapsed from exhaustion around 2 AM Sunday. Then, we got up again and finished in about an 2 hours after 10 AM on Sunday. There were some breaks in there for eating, quick trips to Lowe's to get bolts and nuts that were either lost or not included in the box, and a little bit of hysterical crying (me only- sorry about that again, honey). I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Toys 'R Us accidentally sold us a hoop they didn't have in stock and, per store policy, had to give us the next grade up to make up for it. The next grade up retailed at $399. We spent $159. We were pretty geeked up about it when it happened. What we did not realize is that a $399 hoop is a whole lot heavier and more complicated than a $159 hoop. It's up now, though, and it looks terrific. We did get away for a little while on Sunday and spent a couple of hours walking the Monon Trail (a 10 mile walking path that the city of Indianapolis recently built to replace the old Monon Railway that used to run through the city). # |
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