| The Incredible Shrinking Woman | |||
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Friday, April 25, 2003 ( 10:32 AM ) Melody Nowhere to run to, baby... Last night I managed to run my first quarter mile-- well, pretty much anyway. The quarter mile marker was only a few steps away. Of course, it was another half mile before I could catch my breath, but still! Now I'm all pumped to do it again this weekend. 6 months ago, I could never have imagined that I'd be even thinking about running at any point in my life. As Chauna, a valued member of the fatty club Belinda and I go to every Monday night, says, "Why would anyone run if they're not being chased or standing within fifty feet of a McDonald's?" I was always the poor slob who blubbered through the mile run of the Presidential Physical Fitness test. Actually, I didn't collapse, but I always came in last. I think in order to qualify for that award you had to run it in ten minutes or less. I always came in at around 15. Most people can easily WALK a mile in about 15 minutes if they try. In fact, I think I failed just about every part of that darned test. I never could do a pull-up. I'd just get up there and hang until the teacher was disgusted enough with me to scream, "Next!" The only thing I could do was sit-ups. I was the only fat girl with rock-hard abs (not anymore, of course). How does that happen? # Thursday, April 24, 2003 ( 2:23 PM ) Melody Rude Awakening When I was a kid, we didn't have a Take Your Kid to Work Day, but I did get to tour the GM plant where my dad worked when I was 6 or 7. Mom had told me Daddy makes money for a living. Imagine my disappointment when the huge presses and rolling green I had pictured in my head were replaced by roaring turbines and metal cutouts of engine parts. # ( 10:42 AM ) Melody Take Your Kid to Work day I love Take Your Child to Work Day. Of course, that's probably because I never volunteer to partake in the day's festivities. I just get to listen to the little chipmunk voices in the hall. They ask the cutest questions. Poor kids. They don't understand that this is a reference publishing company-- no Clifford or Madeleine or, everyone's favorite, Everybody Poops! books here. One kid asked Tim, who works on our Visual books team, if he ever gets to work on dog books. Tim: Unfortunately, no. But I do think that would be fun sometimes. (looks around whistfully) I just work on computer books. Kid: Why does that book say Bible on the cover?! Tim: That's one of our series names. It's not THE Bible. It just means it covers everything you'd want to know about computers. Kid: Does Moses and Jesus and everyone in The Bible used computers, too? Tim: Uh, not that I know of. I think it's time for the your next stop on the tour. Take care, kids. (droops off to the bathroom to cry). # ( 8:15 AM ) Melody Holy Weight Loss, Batman! Did I mention that Belinda and I are sick? Actually, I'm feeling a little better today, but yesterday was hell. On top of Diverticulitis, Belinda's mom had a cold when we got to their place last weekend. Unfortunately, she passed it to us. Something else I forgot to mention. Did you know that God works miracles of weight loss? No, really. It's true. Belinda's mom told us that she has been praying for a long time for us to lose weight, and God has finally answered her prayers. She's lighting two candles-- one for each of us. I appreciate that she thought of me. Of course, some people might say that it's a cruel god who makes an old lady wait so long without an answer to her prayers... # ( 8:09 AM ) Melody Work Rant Forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been two days since my last post. Fortunately, you all are not God, so I can make excuses. I have spent the last three days madly preparing to present four new titles to my team. Do you know what kind of time that takes?! After (and during) begging, pleading, and cajoling authors to get their proposals and preliminary outlines in, I have to do all of this market research. I have to assess the size of the audience, the reach of the book, and complete a competitive analysis of other books on the market. I have to summarize the technology in about a paragraph (takes a lot longer than you'd think to boil a topic like networking down to this space), cull sales numbers on other books on similar topics from about 5 different reports, (usually) rewrite the authors' bio for him or her, and assemble all of this info in a two page sell sheet. Then I have to complete laydown estimates for all of our major accounts, complete first-year and lifetime sales estimates, and do a profit and loss statement. There are a couple of other things involved, too, but it's just too tedious to go into. I did all of this times four in the last three days!! That is just pure insanity. To top it all off, there wasn't time to go over all of my books in this week's meeting, so I'm screwed for next week, too. # Monday, April 21, 2003 ( 1:17 PM ) Melody Diverticu-what? This weekend I went with Belinda to visit the in-laws. When we got there, Belinda's mom was complaining about side pain. She had been to the doctor and gotten a prescription for some unknown antibiotic, and she could only describe what was wrong as something about a claw holding bubbles in her abdominal region. Belinda and I spent much of the evening debating about whether something was wrong with her gall bladder or her ovary. The next morning Belinda spoke with the nurse at her mom's doc's office and found out that Mary has a condition called Diverticulitis. Diverticulosis happens to lots of people as they older, but its onset is accelerated when you have a high fat diet (hello-- McDonald's, Burger King, Arby's, Dairy Queen, Taco Bell-- still the staples of Mary's 60+ year old diet). Basically, weakened areas in your colon expand into little finger-like things that float off the main passage. They become irritated by fatty foods and by things like seeds, which get stuck in them. After a while, they can become infected, and that's when things get serious. The infections (Diverticulitis), if untreated, can cause lesions, sometimes requiring surgery to remove part of the colon, or, in extreme cases, removal of the entire colon. Because her mother has been loathe to take care of her body in the past, Belinda told her that she needs to begin eating a low-fat, high fiber diet (per the nurse) and take care of these problems because, if she doesn't, she might end up pooping in a bag attached to her side. That was effective. Mary took us shopping for fruits and veggies. Watching your parents get older is a bitch, isn't it? Of course you hate seeing them suffer, and, on top of it, in the back of your mind you know you're staring into your own future. Diverticulosis, diabetes, and heart disease for Belinda. Heart disease, arthritis, and fibromyalgia for me. Retirement's going to be a blast, isn't it? # |
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